Gandhi, We Are Grateful

The Sierra Club and Citizens Climate Lobby both had to toss out their executive directors this year for failure to manage their organizations appropriately during Trump's second term.  I'm very glad Rachel K's tenure at CCL was short.  But really, who can effectively guide organizations to make real progress on climate change in this environment.  Funding for NOAA, USAID, NPR,  Medicaid is being shunted to ICE so they can bring brown shirts wherever to do whatever.  A non violent revolution is needed. 

In this year's UTOPIA skit for my Bellevue chapter of CCL, I tried to depict CCL throwing over the US gov't but settled for us starting a chain reaction that led to a GENERAL TAX STRIKE, something that Quinn K seems to support. In my skit, we did it like Julia Butterfly Hill who said: I actually take the money that the IRS says goes to them and I give it to the places where our taxes should be going.  In her letter to the IRS, she said "I'm not refusing to pay my taxes. I'm actually paying them but I'm paying them where they belong because you refuse to do so."   

Anyway, I've had lots of time to think alone and the above is what happens.  Tonight, Eric and I watched "Gandhi" (Richard Attenborough, 1982, starring Ben Kingsley). At Nathan H's suggestion, I read Srdja Popovic's Blueprint for Revolution bringing Gandhi's methods to countries plagued by dictators.  For CCL book club, I just finished Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet.  Even practicing a  Rheinberger piano quartet felt like a quiet steady drumbeat punctuated with purposeful outbursts. 

My conclusion is that I must take care of myself in order to help anyone else.  I don't have to sit on a cushion silently for hours but I need solitude, walks, bike rides, free time and conversations with people who inspire me like Sylvia P, Eric, my sisters, my daughters, and the CCL volunteers leading the "democracy action team" charge. I need more time to practice the violin and piano.  They're not just perpetually on my to do list.  They are me. I need unscheduled time.  Also, we "inter-are".  This language sounded dumb in Zen and the Art....but we do have more bacterial than human genetic material, we wouldn't survive without consuming water and plants and we are part of a river of warmth that started with our non human then human ancestors.  I feel all my grandparents (Sol too) and my parents inside me and whenever I wish I had loved them better, I can love myself better.  They are  me.  

I'm incredibly grateful for CCL.  I never dreamed I'd have the opportunity to truly partner with more adults and students than I can count to work on climate change.  I want to stay healthy and inspired and continue to go everywhere my friends and imagination lead me. 

I'll  know what life on Earth looks like after 2050 as I'll be part of Evan and Caroline.  I pray for mutual kindness between all living creatures and Mother Earth.   Gandhi showed us how. Let's act. 

 Eric and I are not ready to retire.  Everyone asks. But he's been meeting with India early in the morning and Singapore late at night and squeezing first his run and then his shower in between meeting. And yesterday, I was yawning sleepily during my first 2 patients and impatient when my last (of 10) patients was trying to nail down the exact order and timing for his complicated vaccines for a Sri Lanka vacation.  Scott Medley retired when he got sick of his patients.  Yesterday was a rare glimpse of that feeling. My office building is celebrating Maxine Bailey's 90's birthday soon. She's still massaging patients 5 days a week. I won't work til age 90 but I'm definitely not retiring soon. 

Summer is practically inseparable from Quinn.  They bike camp, won 2nd place in an Alley Cat Bike race, and have tons of friends, parties, weddings, book clubs, bike commuting...  He works for Seattle 4 long days per week.  She is still working for Coffee and Cycle but I haven't been hearing a lot  about her work lately. When she once again decides to pour some fraction of her energy and imagination into her career, she'll  be an exciting success.  Right now, she still hasn't fully recovered from EcoCollective's disastrous leadership.  Also, they aim to find  their first home together by the end of July. It's a project especially since they want to live with others as well. 

Trying to pry the video games away from Emily has taken a lot of emotional and mental energy.  I finally understand that encouraging her to rebuild the parts of her life that make life worth living is the only project that might one day succeed. Instead of ME trying to demolish the part of her life that covers up all its deficiencies, SHE is building a loving relationship with Jake, starting school after her successful pre requisite unmatriculated spring quarter, taking charge of meals including a low FODMAP diet which is helping Jake, and dealing with her lack of money with food stamps, medicaid, and selling Amazon stock which she found while searching for her retirement money which she might also have to use.  And I scored weekly scheduled phone calls with her:  Thursday nights at 9 pm which make me so happy. 

I skipped talking to Lauren for a couple of days engrossed in my second reading of "An Introvert's Guide to Life and Love."   Mallory (protagonist) prefers to let family conversations fade into background noise, she abhors talking on the phone and isn't big on talking in person. But the hard work of ripping up carpeting and the challenge of truly helping her grandfather build her self confidence and lead to an exciting new relationship.  I worked super hard on "Utopia Skit 2025" for my chapter and was rewarded by everyone laughing as we took 30 minutes during a meeting to read the whole thing. 

Eric is a dream husband.  He offered to buy me a massage chair for $5K and He stoically cleaned up a disastrous kitchen last night and complimented the meal even though the vegan alfredo sauce was possibly not worth all the work.  Judy and Sierra are in Ontario, heading to New Brunswick as Judy's taking concrete steps towards relocating her family's life.  Retirement seemed like such a natural plan for Solly and Mike in 2026 but my brave sister is running for city council again and winning her fight for truth, goodness, and responsibility. 

Should I buy yet another 5 minute journal to keep a positive mental routine every morning and night? Or just write whatever I wish?  Or not write at all?  I choose options 1 and 2.  

But who care about all of the above.  Today, I'm biking to Wallingford to play string quartets with Larry G, Laurie S and Christy J and then Summer, Eric, and I get to babysit Evan and Caroline for a long wedding: 3:30 til whenever.  Can't wait! 

I'll take 10 minutes to summarize 2018 to today before I turn on my flashlight and walk through the dark forest of our backyards to arrive at the Y just before 6 AM. 

I don't recommend it but if you'd like more detail, I can refer you to a 72 page google doc titled Emily Rescue. Summer found her passion fixing up and selling vintage bikes and directing, writing, and acting in movies.  She also found Quinn Price, a tall good looking, Cornellian who speaks French, loves to travel, makes his own wine and enjoys cohousing.  Lauren's Rachel Weiss' groupchat is officially released TODAY!  I started re reading it early this morning (to be in sync with the masses) forgetting that I can't help laughing and snorting during first few pages, possibly disturbing Eric's sleep. Lauren has a beautiful marriage to Dave and 2 delightful children: Caroline and Evan. 

Eric and I are happy at work.  I love my music friends and adventures and it's not true that I cry every day.  It's only some days. What is true:  Eric is getting upset with the crying.  

So: Emily's last day at norcom was 9/15/18. Luka died at the very beginning of the pandemic: Friday 3/13/20.  Summer and Lauren started visiting Emily's small apartment every Friday night.  Soon after, Summer and Michael Camp invited Emily to live with them in a lovely apartment Lauren found near her house. 

I visited Emily every Thursday to help her with cleaning, laundry, cooking.  I had never seen anyone so depressed.  She moved so slowly and could barely enjoy a TV show.  5/5/22 on the evening before her first Ketamine session and during the fleeting moment that she had a job at MFS billing,  I recommended she pee in a cup to make sure other drugs wouldn't interfere with the ketamine. A look of horror swept her face and words spilled out fast:  "I smoke weed every day.  And play video games every day." 

Emily quit pot on her own 12/9/22.  Positive communications assisted by Beyond Addiction book helped.  Mostly I credit Emily.  She did it.  Regular drug testing settled into weekly drug tests texted to me and Eric.  As far as we know, she's still clean today. She won our 2015 Subaru outback for this and deserved it 100%. 

In 2023, when she wasn't working and starting to run out of money, Greg, a Texan 19 yo gamer boyfriend paid Emily's rent and expenses for 6 months. Late Nov 2023, Emily agreed to surrender her mouse and video games x 3 months in exchange for us paying off her credit card.  

Beginning 1/2/24, she took  winter, spring and summer classes at N. Seattle College with stellar A+ performance at the start only slipping from 2 classes/quarter to 1 plus yoga and A- by last quarter. 

We paid her living expenses and tuition during school.  Gaming got worse but relationship with Emily was protected due to Love, Eric's good sense, and Beyond Addiction book helping me to reduce my harmful interactions with my precious girl.  

8/26/24, we stopped giving her any financial support.  She has enough money for Oct rent but not Nov. Current boyfriend, Jake,  has offered a plane ticket to Orange county but not rent.  Al Anon helps me along with my self help book.  

I'll try to cry less often.  Going to play pickleball now.  Then 2 morning CCL meetings, then work, then leading the Washington State Group Leader meeting tonight as Washington state co-coordinator. 

Zesty Story Telling

"You don't have to go," I kept telling myself.  You can shop, cook, finish office work... Summer picked up the phone. 

"I'm calling to tell you I can't attend but looking at my To Do list, I'm realizing I can push everything to tomorrow."

"I'm glad you'll be there, Mama.  Jenni is great.  You'll learn a lot. 

I inflated the tires of my red, white, and blue Fuji aloha and figured the pine needles and dirt would soon be blown off.  Wearing my warm  Uggs boots,  I biked up my cul de sac which sparkled with frost. I headed west, happy the sun was still in the south, and quickly reached the 520 bridge over Lake Washington.  As I neared the University of Washington, I saw hordes of black ducks all swimming north.  At the University, I joined bikers and pedestrians, some toting suitcases,  enjoying safe passage above the traffic on wide boulevards connecting the Burke Gilman Trail with Husky stadium and a light rail station.  The Burke Gilman trail carried me securely along the north end of Lake Washington showcasing Seattle's skyline and boats moored on top of more  boats.   Shortly after Gasworks Park, I recognized The Riveter, the cowork space where Summer wishes she still worked. 

A business like woman in a hurry joined me in the staircase:  Summer!  (Her Dad, also in a hurry, almost walked right past me last night when I headed to meet his bus stop- they have similarities! ).

Summer and I were both early to a workshop led by Jenni Gritters, a reporter who's worked for the NY Times and  publications I've never heard of like Upworthy and Experience.  Jenni works at the Riveter enjoying floor to ceiling windows overlooking Lake Washington and the Skyline and an unlimited supply of free chocolate morsels.  She aimed to help us with Click Bait type writing as well as long form.  Emotion, surprise, visuals, good headlines, and knowing your audience were discussed.

Jenni warned against writing about TOPICS.  You have to pick a story frame:  like moving a camera view over  your topic to frame a section that will attract attention.  This should be narrow. Like if I blog about my struggle to slow climate change, I could choose a list (7 reasons I won't quit) or one story that inspires my work, or a trends piece- 4 years ago if the words "climate change" spilled from the mouth of  R, they were yanked out of office.  Today 45 Republicans sit on the Bipartisan Climate Solutions Caucus. Brainstorm possible ideas .TOPICS are boring.  Must have characters (I'd love to know the story of George, the Alaskan fisherman, who represents Alaska at every Citizens Climate Lobby conference- in person or on the phone). Conflict is needed! CCL's  Fee and Dividend Bill was supposed to be introduced in March 2018.  It was not, then June was anticipated. After that, October.  Finally on Nov 27th it was introduced.  Yes-that sounds super boring. But you can be sure, major conflicts went on  to cause near introductions and then pulling the introduction.  Powerful forces oppose climate action. Moneyed, Manipulative, and Evil forces.  It is against these that the bill sputtered and delayed but finally was born. And history might reveal the sordid stories behind the delays in bill introduction .

Visuals are a must. Original photos or drawings, or maybe an infographic.

Find element of surprise. "It's a street fight for human attention."  You want to illicit a response:
Charge companies for mining coal, drilling for natural gas, or importing oil and then give all the proceeds to American families?  I need to tell my friends about that idea! It's smart!

Or 100,000 CCL volunteers lobby their legislators persistently and respectfully and they've accomplished WHAT? This gives me hope for humanity! 

OMG, I had no idea that 3 R's and 3 D's recently worked together to introduce the most powerful bill against climate change ever introduced in the USA just last week?!   Possibly the strongest anti climate change bill ever.

"Or civilization will be destroyed by business as usual" might make someone say "ugh that sucks...I want to do something about it. "

Another good response is "This is my life"  but I've just never vocalized it . To get this response, you have to be very very specific. Like Adam Smith wrote one or two pages all describing the characteristics of a prudent person.  "That's my husband! " I found myself yelling.  I had never been able to describe his personality with such accurate detail!

Jenni said to notice how you feel when you're writing?  ( I feel rushed because I have a telephone conference in 6 minutes about getting the word out to the media about our bill) .

Make your story SKIMMABLE by having bold sentences at each section that can tell a story in their own right for all the folks that won't read every word. You have about a minute. 

Ask yourself:  would I share this story? 

Brainstorm headlines.  "The United States could lead the world's climate change effort in 2019- no kidding"

Anyway, as you can see I have a long way to go to follow Jenni's advice .
But I bused to a meeting at Overlake where I won a wreath hand made by Debi Jefferson, an old friend,  and I'm safely home.
I'm too tired to see if the dirt and pine needles blew off my bike but my new wreath is hanging on our front door. 

Halfway to everywhere

Fourteen people - including a  green architect, a retired accountant, and an executive coach have agreed to join Citizens Climate Lobby Bellevue.  I feel like I should generate laser agenda and devise the speediest route toward achieving our dream:  a national price on carbon dioxide pollution! Unable to accomplish that today, I did talk to a potential member about her interests and barriers for about 30 minutes-- maybe that's an accomplishment in itself- following up and getting to know members so we can eventually (hopefully) form a cohesive effective team. I'm looking forward to meeting another potential member who writes about bicycle meditation-- a pastime I recently realized I engage in.


Regarding work:  prescription bounce backs, new prescription refill requests, prior authorizations, and bloated nonsensical reports are encroaching on the 2 half days a week that I'm not seeing patients.  (8 pages generated by EPIC holds about 2 sentences of useful information IF I'm LUCKY. I've seen 44 pages with nothing intelligible. )  I need to trim the hairy admin monster. So far, all I've come up with is to stop filing PT notes. WHAT ELSE can I do???  I KNOW!  Gradually phase in a policy in which I only write prescriptions at office or E visits.  I can have interim steps:  announce phases on website.  Phase one:  one month/no refills only.  Phase two: 15 days/no refills only. Phase 3: E visit or office visit for all prescriptions. YES!  I will do this.  I have every right to protect myself since I'm offering concierge service without concierge surcharge and prescriptions are by far my #1 problem.


Regarding friends-  Aruntati is currently my favorite yoga teacher.  "There are so many places we can go from this starting place!" she says after we're shakily balanced on one foot, grasping our big toe of the other foot, (bent knee better than bent back), and trying  to pull our foot in front and to the side.  She's leaving for the summer but I think we've convinced her to REALLY come back instead of abandoning us for the younger dance and yoga clientele at her studio.  Thank goodness! 


Intention, Timing, Effort, a Catalyst and Destiny are needed to make something happen in life according to Swati, Anita's beautiful sister from Westchester county who we met at Niki's graduation party last night.  Today, I was starving at 11:30 AM (catalyst).  I didn't have any 11:30 or noon patients! (Destiny?) I intend to spend every minute possible with Summer.  I knocked on her bedroom door right when she woke up. I made pancakes from the chia seed/rice flour/whatever other starch Eric found in the pantry batter that Eric left me on the kitchen counter.  Summer whisked up eggs scrambled with precious cheese and salsa.  We added decaf hazelnut coffee from the French press and some homemade syrup (don't ask me how Eric made that).  Settled in partial sun on the deck, calories spread all over the flowered table cloth, Summer told me how Carl wishes she was with him in Italy.  I got to see photos of him smiling with random bridesmaids and lines of other young men.  He has a huge smile and apparently drinks 24 ounces of coffee whenever he can get it.


Good violin lesson today even thought I had to admit I had not practiced once.  Better job next week I hope. Nicole Bloam is a good teacher.


Well, I was sitting in the sun when I started this post but now, even the disappearing clear spots in the sky have resigned into gray.  The sun wants to stay out til 10 PM but the clouds soften all that blurring the border between day and dusk. Halfway feels comfortable some days.

I had a dream

My mother (the best realtor in the world) was showing us houses.  "How much is that one?" I asked about the largest and newest house.
 "$4000," she answered.
"You mean $400,000," I muttered-real estate smarts being in my blood and all.
"No, I mean $4000.  That house has no water."


That is a great example of a dream, I don't want to come true.


I visited my friend Christina Bletzinger Cooper in Melbourne, Australia in approximately 1993.  All the water in her house came from rainwater collected in a cistern. Can we do that here? Absolutely!  But someone doesn't want us to.


I would love to be one of the people that radically changes our country for the better. But one of my goals for the last 2 weeks was simply to review my last year of utility bills.  Unlike the process for collecting rainwater, transfer of my money to the utilities is so smooth that it's difficult to find a trace. Puget Sound Energy is  busy trying to take over an old railway bed to generate more power so they don't have time to answer the phone or emails or update their website so average customers can review their bills.




But that's OK!  That will make it even more fun when customers realize that they themselves can generate and profit from power.  The May 4th New York Times describes New Yorks's State Energy Plan: Con Edison has been selling it's power generators to small independent producers since the 90's. Soon, they won't generate power at all. Their new role will be  running the grid and making sure energy is distributed fairly.   This is one reason why Timothy Egan can concede Congress to the Koch brothers' "cohort of people flopping around in the waters of stupidity" and still be optimistic.  As soon as I  can generate, control and profit from power production, I will never go back to paying Puget Sound Energy an average of $225 per month (it took me 2 minutes to find it on my bank website),  nearly $400 in colder months, and then beg them to show me the records.


Then there's water:  our most valuable resource.  Even here in the rainiest corner of our country, our water is centrally supplied and should not be taken for granted.


Citizen's Climate Lobby started with 3 local groups in 2007 (San Diego, San Francisco and Anne Engstrom's group in Seattle) and the number of groups has doubled each year.  Including my new Bellevue group, we should have about 300 groups in 2014.   Our purpose is to "create a political will for a stable climate and to
"empower individuals to have breakthroughs in exercising their personal and political power."
I'd like to help each person in my group meet with a lawmaker and write a letter to the editor. I'd also like to join toastmasters to improve my speaking skills.


Here's  a  dream I do want to come true (from CCL's website): "Cool the planet with your voice."

Make sure your Christmas bonus is bigger than your bail

When my swim coach told me that Julia played cello, I thought it was too good to be true.  I dreamed of finding chamber musicians to play with.  There couldn't be one sharing my swim lane!  "Do you know the Brahms cello sonatas?" I asked her while we were getting dressed. The beautiful melody that opens Brahms'  E minor cello sonata magically flowed right out of her mouth.  "Come to my house tomorrow night after work,"  I told her.  Lucky for me, she agreed. 

Today, I swam in the 5 AM class instead of our usual 6 AM. When Julia asked why, I admitted that I had insomnia due to a worry about my middle daughter.  "Oh, I see," she answered.  "Last time you were super worried, it turned out to be a problem fit for a radio segment."

Sure, she had a point. While Julia was enjoying dinner with me and Eric, we became increasingly worried about Summer's absence. Sadly, I really worry with passion.  Turns out, Summer was attending a diner for students accepted at Princeton and her cell phone was off.  OK, so that wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been but this...

When my sister was in a relationship with Greg and I suggested she date other guys just to make sure he was the right one, she showed anger- the only anger I've ever witnessed from her. "I will never talk to you about my social life again!"  From that I've learned, any influence from family must be given early.

Emily chose the first apartment she saw both  before college and after college.  She did the same with her job.  "Shouldn't you fill out some other applications just in case this job doesn't work out?"  She did not.  She went through the 6 month application process to become a 911 dispatcher and with her brains, hard work, typing skills and excellent memory, she got the job.   All of that worked out wonderfully and she continues to thrive in this very important work.  However,  I am unable to embrace this selection process for guys.

"Have you ever been married?" I asked Julia in the hot tub last week.  I knew she had an MD, a PhD, she had lived in the deep south,  she has a family heirloom grand piano, a formidable music collection, and a sister anyone would admire but  I had never asked her this.

Call me manipulative. Tell me I'm the mother my daughter will never recover from.  But I can't help it. I spelled out my wishes, threatening to curtail my 4 day a week dog watching services if they're not met.  ( I love watching Fancy and Tobe too- Havanese/Daschund and Schitzu- best dogs since my old standard poodle).   Join 1-2 orchestras, even though you'll miss some practices/concerts due to work.  Take your last 5 credits of college in person (with on-line option for days you'll miss). Go out to dinner with 10 guys before you go steady with anyone. Let us know if you'd like a gym membership for Chanukah.

I told her she thinks it's normal and even annoying that guys are always falling all over her.  If she is true to herself, this "problem" will last her entire life.  (She knows that her grandmother Iris has guys falling all over her.) However, the quality of the guys will change with time.

Julia's never been married.  I asked her why.  "The guys I dated didn't like music.  They didn't respect my Catholicism."  She was true to herself.   When I leave the locker room, Julia offers advice like "Make sure your Christmas bonus is bigger than your bail."   Today her advice was re-read David Copperfield and keep a journal.

I don't know if Julia is happy with all her past choices but as her friend, I'm happy she is exactly who she is today.

Montlake and Ballard

Summer's been rude to me most of the day. Plus, I nearly tripped on the ancient birkenstocks she left near my computer. Tripping could be a disaster since my left achille's is only partially healed. It's almost like she could tell my mood was too good.  Eric's trying to help too. If I was a flamenco dancer, he would tamp me into early retirement with his plain vanilla expectations.

But, I'm happy to report to my kind reader that nothing worked. My day was excellent.  After a quick swim at the Y, I surprised Eric, his mom, and her cousin (Joan)  by arriving home 10 minutes before our scheduled departure. I got to drink black coffee while  Joan drank her hot chocolate and chattered cheerfully about her excellent health. Then Eric and I dropped Joan and Carol on Fun Center Way (I'm not kidding) where they boarded a bus headed for Vancouver BC where they'll board a Holland America Cruise to Alaska. The two women are first cousins, best friends, and newly widowed.  I wanted to jump on the bus too but my vanilla husband is actually better than a cruise.

Rocking chairs on the driveway were the next stop. Eric and I planned our upcoming camping trip while we waited for Summer to wake up.  Then I biked to the Kirkland Park and Ride. Almost anything is exciting when you're waiting for a bus. I was very happy to see my beautiful 19 year old daughter ride up, smiling under her snow white helmet.

Almost as soon as you enter the University of Washington district, you join a stream of bikers that likely annoys cars and may even encourage them to drive elsewhere. We easily glided over the Montlake bridge and onto the Burke Gilman Trail. On our left, the medical school provided a massive and reassuring presence.  On our right, we caught  glimpses of the Gothic buildings and manicured lawns of campus. Peace Park, the industrial side of Lake Union and the edge of Gasworks park were stepping stones to my favorite part of the trail.  The huge metal trellis of the Aurora Bridge soars over the Washington Ship canal which connects Lake Union with Puget Sound. A tiny pocket of house boats is close enough to touch and a happy statue sits next to the water watching bikers, walkers and strollers. The trail curves to stay close to the water. I stopped to wait for Summer while the Fremont bridge was up to allow The Harmony and a few sailboats to pass.


"Did you see the yacht called Harmony?"  I yelled to Summer as she blew past me.
"I don't even know what a yacht looks like," was the reply I could barely hear. The next time she was unlucky  enough to be next to me, she asked where we were going.
"That's helpful," she said sarcastically before leaving in the dust. 
I told her everything I knew. We were headed to Ballard.

Six months ago, Lauren told me she wanted to live in a place with community. My cynical brain started wailing about how there used to be small towns where people knew and cared about each other. Well, there still are places like Clatskanie, Oregon but try getting a job in one of those. Luckily years of training from my husband taught me to keep those dark thoughts to myself.

And Voila!  Lauren went out into the neighborhoods and found Ballard!  Bright flags and the smell of hot dogs announced our arrival to the Ballard Farmer's market. Summer promptly disappeared amongst the stalls while my bike and I entered the lobby of the Ballard Inn through an open door. When an attendant caught me map reading  on a comfy black and white couch, she said I could stay all day. Happy with that, I left to explore the Olympic Athletic Club.

"Come explore with me!"  Summer called on my cell. I was so excited, I left my boot and bike and we found home made sodas (I chose cilantro, lime, and Jalepeno pepper flavor), soaps, men's and women's hats, and a vintage clothing store.  Eventually, the traffic released Lauren and Eric into our midst and we quickly bought fresh veggie quesadillas and magical ointment before the stalls closed at 3 PM and a convoy of vans chased the pedestrians to the sidewalks.   The farmer's market was so fun, I almost forgot the original mission:  see Lauren's new apartment.

We stuttered along on bike and feet passing ice cream shops, sushi joints, and pubs with microbrew. Lauren was irritated by our touristy over appreciation of her neighborhood and wanted us to hurry. I saw a big shiny apartment building.

"You can live there after you get a raise, Lauren!"
"Absolutely not."  She dismissed my silly idea. "I saw a bumper sticker that said Ballard welcomes the Condo Overlords. " She went on to explain that established Ballardites like herself (she hasn't moved in yet but she will on Saturday), don't want new people flooding in. 

We all poured into the library near her home. In spite of the soaring wood and metal construction, it was welcoming and filled to capacity. Summer plunked down in seats strictly reserved for teens and smiled smugly at her old sister and parents who had to stand.  Next we passed a community garden with a handwritten sign on a checkered background.  Neighborhood barbeque, EVERY Wednesday, 6:30 to dark, Everyone welcome. 
"Will you go?"  I asked Lauren.
"No." I could have predicted her answer. She's concise. She likes to write about people  but would rather not mingle with the general public.

I got way ahead of Summer while on the Burke Gilman trail headed back to the bus. But  a phone call from Emily stopped me. "Please come!  she said.  I cleaned up and the tea kettle is waiting for you."  Summer grunted her consent. We arrived at Emily and Lauren's apartment to find a vacuum cleaner exhausted after an unsuccessful attempt to clean up after Emmy's precious little dogs. But Emily's cheer and hot tea made it all worthwhile.  Lauren even came out of her bedroom retreat to join the party. Both girls would move out in six days and I savored one last time under their joint hospitality.

Summer can't wait to return to college in a few days. I loved having her home. She's the one member of my family that shares my love for bike trails. When she's 2,850 miles away, she'll have loving thoughts about me too. Summer and Eric's TV shows are nearly over now, so I'm going to sign off and act normal.

Sisters at Baker Lake

"It makes me so sad to see you like this, Gwennie!" Tragedy was written all over my sister Solange's face. I admit, I sobbed for a few hours when it first happened but I know a few people who would trade conditions with me in a second.   Solange was just as upset over  her daughter's curly hair and her son's awkward gait.  Thanks to her influence, we both used to feel sorry for toys we neglected.

"There is a bright side," I countered as I limped to  a lounge chair in my garage and sat heavily with my bum leg stretched out. I dropped my crutch and  smiled at the huge pile of sleeping bags, camp kitchen supplies, tents, loose flashlights, and overstuffed canvas bags in front of me. 

 "I really love your house, Gwen. Wouldn't it be a lot easier if we had the kids sleep in tents in the back yard?  Then we'd still have coffee, we can go running and biking..." Her voice trailed off ...

About 10 minutes later, Solange, Eric, and Summer had loaded everything into the van, the Subaru and the clamshell above the van.  It looked like a miracle to a person who could barely shower or put a bowl in the dishwasher.

"Can I do anything do help, Gwen?" My sunny sister, Judy, had just gotten in from 2 red eye flights with her  8 and 9 year old kids.  It wasn't til she returned with my coffee mug cleaned and filled with water that I remembered that she was hungry and was facing a chaotic garage rather than the homemade lunch she was promised.   Thank goodness, my daughter Emily who refused in no uncertain terms to come camping, brought Vietnamese sandwiches for everyone. Judy actually finished her food for the first time in her life.

It required the full 2 1/2 hour drive to Baker Lake to sever me and my sisters from our phones. My extended absence greeting probably infuriated everyone in my car as well as the poor patients destined to hear it later.  Solange had to log in to find out where her husband biked that day and how his speed compared with their mountain biking teammates.    When Judy signed off, the huge network of people that collaborate with her to employ the disabled temporarily lost their guiding light.

Finally freed from the car, we wandered around Panorama Point Campground. The forest floor was covered with soft mounds of earth pushed up by tree roots.  Soft gray daylight brightened as soon as you stepped from the woods to the beach. The  greenish blue lake water  stroked the pebbles like a whispered version of the ocean's surf.  Rocky peaks with bright white snow filling all but their craggiest edges looked the same size as the wooded hills in front of them. Clouds moved  among these giants as if misty dreams can stand up to  concrete.

Solange would have gladly put up both tents by herself leaving lazy kids and sluggish sisters behind but after struggling to insert the poles into the corner loops, she accepted help from me and Judy. 

"Even mosquitos like younger women better. I don't get it- I dye my hair and everything." Solange complained when we were finally relaxing around the fire. Solange felt older than her daughters but she couldn't stand "old people," who complained about fast bikers. I had been lulled into thinking I'm near retirement myself thanks to all of my retired music and pickleball friends.  And now, I had a handicapped tag. Solange was only 14 months younger than me.  "Women are so useless, " Solange also informed us.  "They get boob jobs, go shopping and complain about their husband's mountain biking. But horrible as some marriages may be, divorce is worse....Every single mass murderer comes from  divorced parents."

"Best camping trip ever!!" interrupted Zachary, Judy's 9 year old son. His  cousin helped him hold his marshmallow just outside the flames.

Judy looked at her sweet little boy laughing.  "I love my divorce, thank you very much."

Raindrops fell on my face, gently waking me from  a deep sleep. I did not want to leave my  hammock cocoon.  It wasn't until I felt the wetness seeping into my backside that I finally rolled out and joined Solange in her pup tent. "Poor Gwen! Get in here!" She said before falling back asleep.  I was the first to wake up the next morning. I dunked my hair in the lake, soaked my good foot, and rinsed my face. I had swum in the lake before and I would do it again. I wish my patients would recover too. David with stage 4 lymphoma. Annette recovering from a self inflicted gunshot wound to face criminal charges.  And 4 year old  Arnav  who fell out his second story window to land in the ICU.  The clouds obscured all the large mountains but I felt them all around me.

Emilene

“When I have children, I’ll love them forever until I die!” Emily was crying. I wasn’t. I had gotten all my tears and sobs out talking to my mom on the phone before Emily came over.

I know it’s healthy to practice gratitude and optimism but black doubts sometime drown those. Emily makes $9.65/hour at Samena. That’s about $360 per week or $18K/year. She’s not ready for grad school and even if she was, she would probably be rejected due to a GPA of 2.5 or worse. “I don’t want to live with random people. I’m a private person!”  If Emily’s lucky, she’ll get to live with Lauren after graduation but will she be able to afford half the rent?

I just wanted to snuggle up under blankets with hot chocolate and watch TV and coddle my daughter forever. But my mom steered me clear of that.  I wanted to adopt her dog for her. So what if she prefers indoor plumbing! Emily would have more time, more money, more friends and more housing options!  But Eric plead against it. (Very rare to hear that emotion in his voice) “We have to let her know we won’t take care of any babies.”  Yowsa. This is about more than carpet cleaning.

“Emily. Daddy and I love you. We love you more than we love ourselves.” I hugged my make up free 21 year old with her brand new case of acne. “If we thought you couldn’t support yourself, we wouldn’t make you…” Emily nodded slightly. “We  know you can do it but you don’t. The only way you’ll know is by doing it.” 

That night, 3:30 AM I was awake.  How much could she amass if she saved $72/week?  At age 22, she should have a lot of time to compound interest. Could a community college certification get her a job that paid better than a psychology bachelor’s degree from University of Washington?   I had ideas for short term goals: resume, choose the best website for job search. Teach cello lessons.  For anxiety run, get into counseling since insurance will cover and it can help long term. Accomplish something to lift mood even if it’s cleaning out the bathroom sink.  Of course, long term ideas occurred to me also: Look at job availibility before selecting type of grad school. Work really hard at job, volunteer opportunities, and possibly grad school or post bac. Do not get married or have kids until you’re confident, happy, and independent. I emailed Emily every link and word.

She calmly thanked me for all that while encouraging me to adopt a more normal schedule. (Sit by fire when cold, and watch Parks and Recreation and Arrested Development for entertainment were her other helpful pieces of advice.)

Today, I received her resume, a cover letter and news of applications to a 911 dispatch job and a physician recruitment firm.

I saw a new patient who wants to restart cigarettes…ever since he quit 18 months ago, his bm’s have gotten less and less frequent. He now goes about once a week. Also, he calmly lies in bed all night without sleeping. He even blames the lack of cigarettes for his shoulder, knee and foot pain. I’m the first doc he’s seen in 14 years and I hope I can help. A one year old patient returned from vacation in Norway to get her shots-calming Chinese conversation from her mom kept her on the right side of hysterics. Another new patient is a communications grad from UW, newly laid off and newly married but pretty confident that he’ll find work in addition to being a basketball official. Luckily, I noticed an urgent request for records… my 42 year smoker patient who just had a stroke will be seeing a neurologist tomorrow morning at 9 AM. Also, my Pakistani patient just discharged from the hospital with urosepsis (possibly due to long term antibiotics for acne?) is safely home with his new wife.

So, at 9 PM with Emily texting me to go home already, I was about to leave. Until I picked up a business card my friend Judy Simon had given me. Unbridled Therapy: traditional or equine therapy by a young licenced marriage and family therapist in Kirkland. I just had to send Emily one more email.  And I really had to thank my mom.

Over the Top

The wisp of metal is cold reminding me that I’m 30,000 feet above the warm earth. It cools my hot irritable hands. When I open it, the bright white letters and numbers invite me to touch them. The blue screen cooly awaits my command.

My old diary is gone, relegated to a closet shelf that’s draped with gauzy swim cover ups, capri pants, summer clothes of every description that will remain completely useless for many months. The downy alpaca sweater I knit too loosely lies on the same shelf waiting for a kind, elderly knitter to help me repair it.

Once again, I’ve overdone it. During the summer, I had to try to speak at least one word in the language of each country so matter how fleeting my visit. “Thank you”  in Icelandic is “tak” which means something in Polish as well so I conserved a scrap of mental energy.  But I struggled in Italy. Something drove me to talk even when the most attentive Italian couldn’t understand a word. I kept listening to my CD, checking my phrase book. Practicing alone and on any slightly sympathetic Italian until success was mine. I asked an elderly resident of Civita di Bagnoregio who spoke no English whatsoever if one could swim in Bolsena Lake and whether or not it was cold. I even understood her answer!  One could swim in the warm water of the lake. If one could tolerate swimming with a bunch of Germans. Giddy with my success, I even quipped that the Germans would speak English as I ran off to share the good news with my family. In Greece, my approximation for their good morning put smiles on craggy faces of Olympian shopkeepers being starved by the dearth of tourists.

Israel was tough too. For at least 5 minutes,  I examined a big bright tourist map on a crowded sidewalk in Holon. I learned absolutely nothing. I couldn’t tell north from south, where I was, or where I came from. Every street was named after a person and people have two names. I couldn’t match the last names on the street signs with the full names on the map. Hebrew letters are familiar to me but not the faithful servants of our alphabet.  Annoyed, I decided Holon was just home base anyway. I scouted the vicinity for half an hour until I figured out where to catch the bus to Tel Aviv.  I’d be back with my daughters and we’d have a day at the beach. A long run followed.

Using my very own key, I unlocked the door to my cousins’ home and skimmed through the heavy hot living room. Quietly, I approached my daughters’ bedroom door. Lauren would be sleeping beneath the quietly efficient room air conditioner. Summer would be tiptoeing around her sister. She went running at the same time as I did 2 hours ago but she doesn’t interrupt her run with silly tourist diversions.  Summer was not there. Lauren stayed half asleep and showed no alarm but her sister was missing.

Twenty minutes later, Summer walked in brushing right past her hysterical mother. The language barrier hadn’t been so kind to her either but she found her way back.  Anee rutzah ledaberet Ivrit does not make it happen.

So in Belgium and France, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut to let my girls use their French. Meticulously taught by Mme Columb, they can retrieve grammar and conditionel tense admirably. But my joy at once again having a language at my command took over. Waiters became penpals. Hotel clerks, my tour advisors. I asked for directions even as I happily tripped along the road I had followed as an 8 year old, thrilled to have Lauren and Summer patiently following behind as we found my old school: L’ecole du Bois de la Cambre. In Paris, les jardins Tuileries with an amusement park and peaceful pond were enjoyed along with the exibit of a S. Korean photographer who’s every photo was taken from the same window. And Summer ran next to me while we biked to Notre Dame and the Eiffel Tower. But I still felt most unfortunate, when Summer and I had to fly out of Paris less than 24 hours after our arrival leaving Lauren all alone to  find affordable lodging and brave through her own ambitious itinerary. I stayed with Lauren in spirit for the entire week until she joined her colleagues in Amsterdam.

It was enough for at least a year. My week at music camp, new friend coaxing music out of their instruments from 7 AM to 10 PM when the pianos had to be quiet was already more than enough to make 2012 a year I’d always cherish.  Camping with Eric through Camloops, RevelStoke, Lake Le Jeune, Kicking Horse, and finally Lake Louise  Canada and staying in our van with little dog Fancy in the driving rain with nothing but our books, flashlights, Cracker jacks and sleep.  The morning sunshine showed us that the clean dignity of  northern Idahos hills made us happy to return to the US even after the majesty of B.C. and Alberta.

So, I’ve had a lot of diversion this year and I’ve really earned weeks on end of TV, bathrobes, and simple wanderings about the neighborhood. All my girls are gone to college but Eric is the husband of my dreams and I am ready for my due. A grand piano in the living room,  2 cabinets with assorted music, a kindle, a book club…I have it all. Clunk the YMCA and a good job on top of that and Bellevue is truly a dream come true.

Why then, do I find myself up in the sky? With a computer that’s now as overheated as I am. It’s due to excesses. I  tried the breathing exercises Dr. Andrew Weil advised. Pin tongue to the ridge behind the teeth. Exhale fully through the mouth making a loud breathing out sound. Breathe in quietly through the nose to a count of 4. Hold until a count of 7. Exhale (same loud method) to a count of 8.  Repeat x 3. I’ve cut my caffeine to just a smidge. I tried to dampen my mother Iris’s touristic enthusiasm. She’s obviously the reason I can’t just see the sights and go home. I assumed that without caffeine, I’d sleep through half the lectures at the American Academy of Family Physicians’ 2012 assembly in Philadelphia. Who knew that these lectures would inspire me to network with fellow physicians! Neither my mother nor I had ever been to that city. “Filthadelphia,” right? Who cares.

But my mom just had to talk her way into the Barnes museum where the Renoirs greet you like an out of control rabbit population. Her friend Joan just had to be a brilliant mediator with cascading blonde hair, a white cashmere coat and a black and white flared mini skirt over the legs and high heels that went with it. And Joan had to bring her tragic son who hopes bourbon will still his ambivalence about using his legal education to help Wall Street financiers maintain their lifestyles. Iris’ other friend Joyce,had to be an agreeable and modest  pioneer in inclusive education for disabled Baltimore children. I had to experience the American Jewish Museum with a movie of Leonard Bernstein as a young man conducting the classical music that thrilled America before he proceeded to compose the musicals that that buoy  us effortlessly above our cares. And movies about the Jewish immigrant movie directors that powerfully wove the American dream which we all share today.  A simple run in Philadelphia takes you to all the buildings that were frequented by the white wigged geniuses that wrote our constitution.  Why?

Forget that I visited Princeton before Philadelphia.  The leaves were turning red and Summer loves it. I can’t take it anymore.

This plane is bumping around and the stewardess will scream at me any second. I am going home and putting on a bathrobe.

Goodnight.

Blog Rescued

I gave up on my novel and adopted chamber music instead. Yoga has become my closest link to myself. I thought that was enough until Lauren came over. She gently poked at the near dead writer within me until it rolled over and whispered something unintelligible. 

I want to write a book modeled after Jennifer Weiner's. I know I can because my sister Solange could make Susan Isaacs (hilarious author of cynical books like As Husbands Go) look like a dreamy eyed romance writer. And my other sister, Judy blogs on Forbes.com while she captains her own company through hurricane seas. My failed first book was too ambitious-trying to weave together my view of the future, the evils of the food industry, and the personal lives of all the characters. Plus my best character, was an evil Russian woman. Too many Russians get a bad rap in fiction.

Writing could wait. I'd write after I organize my life (all on a new fast computer), improve my medical practice, become a lightening quick sight reader on the piano and do whatever new project comes to mind. There was no urgency whatsoever until....

My BLOG was LOST!  My little netbook featured blogwriter and not much else. On my new computer, google searches just showed a bunch of doctor rating sites and I couldn't find my blog anywhere. And talk about near dead...nobody wants to hear about the gasping and burping of my poor little netbook when I opened it after months on the shelf under my summer clothes. Anyway, the little gadget came through and my blog is now found. It's site, username, password and everything else will now be organized along with the rest of my life. And it's miraculous return to reality made me want to add a post before the year is up.

Lauren had pictures of the Eiffel Tower, the Red Hot Chili Peppers and her own published book on her bulletin board. The Eiffel Tower came down after she covered Paris during her 10day stay there last summer, the Red Hot Chili Peppers will take a spot in her "accomplished" box (under her bed) after she attends their concert tomorrow night.  So clearly, the publishing of her novel will occur soon .

Furthermore, she keeps a diary (paper journals, volumes by now, kept under her bed), and she now posts a blog weekly. Weekly blogs have made Judy reflect each week on the progress of Opportunity Works (her company). Her powerful voice has inspired me as well as hundreds of other readers.  I love my yoga class. Yogi Susan's clear instructions stretch the soreness out of my muscles and exhaler the exhausting chatter out of my brain. She gently lifts my back towards the sky and relaxes my shoulders to the safety of earth.  Lauren coaches my life the same way. She encouraged my to enjoy a run the other night while she worked on her 4th batch of cinnamon rolls. She reminded me about her life coach: Martha Beck's Book  Steering by Starlight and her blog. And she introduced me to her brand newblog:  my ya life!

This is a disjointed blog but  I'm hoping it can be a rickety little bridge between past and future attempts to write. Even an occasional chronicle will be better than nothing.

18 years

Summer is not perfect. Nobody is. Until recently, she was mediocre at estimating volumes. Sounds trivial but you wouldn’t like spaghetti sauce spilling over their containers or a large bowl with just a little salad taking up space in your fridge. Furthermore, I can tell she’s ready to flee from her ever present parents. Today, she got irritated with my camping trip ideas and  evicted me from her bedroom when I was still addressing invitations to her graduation party.

Summer loves to run as much as Coach Brad Bradquist and her dad like to coach. This means practices are a lot like important track  meets. Times, work outs and mileage are monitored closely by  Summer and dutifully reported to Coach and father.  She doesn’t fall over or puke after running but effort level is just shy of that every day.  When Summer’s national rank in the 800m fell from 58th to 69th, we all grumbled around the dinner table. We talk about track nearly all the time. Chatter about classes and friends fits into small gaps.

So when Summer won the Washington 2A state championship in the 800m for the second time Saturday, we were happy but definitely not surprised. The biggest excitement was actually her 400 m run against Cherish Morrison in the preliminary. Summer was in lane 5. When Cherish, who’s won 10 individual state championships started to pass Summer from lane 4, Summer just stayed with her. They looked joined at the hip from the stands.  After Cherish just barely beat her, Summer thanked Cherish for her help: Summer had just broken her second school record with a time of 57.8 seconds. Summer also takes partial credit for getting Cherish to beat her own record with a 56.09.

Sorry about that. Now you see what our dinner conversation looks like. Anyway…I guess I’m also used to Summer’s academic performance. I know nothing about it except she takes all the hardest classes and gets nearly all A’s.  I can’t help liking her boyfriends and she’s very considerate. She thanks us for her meals, helps us clean up,  gives me tips on make up, loans me clothes, notices if I wear something new. Just now, she remembered to give me a head count for tomorrow’s brunch. I had forgotten all about it! Some of my best friends are her friends’ parents. And last February, I was wondering for weeks what sporting event I could take Eric to for Valentine’s Day. A few minutes with Summer and I found out she was running in a university meet at the UW.  Problem solved. She is going to Princeton, just to cinch the whole parental proudness thing.

But none of the above inspired me to write. Tonight’s birthday party was the thing. I just witnessed 10 beautiful high school/college girls in mini dresses and high heels going out to PF Changs and then coming home to change immediately into shorts and flip flops and play spoons laughing loud enough to scare the cat across the creek. Candy became our newest carpeting. They loudly cheered Summer’s success at blowing out 18 blue candles on chocolate cake. Eric said he wished he had 10 friends who would come over for his birthday. A lot of us do. Summer left a quote on the desk one day…something like, you can’t really understand someone without loving him or her. I’m guessing her wonderful friends are no more an accident than her running speed.

It would have been enough…

Dayenu is a traditional Passover song that lists all the blessings that would have been sufficient. The celebrators chant it faster and faster as they list many  blessings piled up on one another.

The Great Disruption and The Spirit Level are 2 books I’ve read recently that help me make sense of the financial crises, looming ecologic crisis, and large protests in the US and Europe. It all makes sense if you consider that infinite growth of anything is impossible in a finite world. Exponentially growing riches for the top 1% can’t be good for a growing 99%. And propelling a 2 ton truck or SUV in order to carry  a lightweight person (relative to the vehicle) can’t be an intelligent use of precious energy. But these enraging facts of life are spelling their own demise.  Water shortages, climate refugees and tropical diseases like Dengue Fever and Cholera in the US will be among the crises that will eventually change our ways. And when we finally realize that Adam Smith was right and the economay can’t grow forever, then we’ll get on with living life instead of spending decades chasing money.

So, as depressed as you may be from reading my inadequate summaries of these prescient books, they’ve lightened my outlook considerably. And that would have been enough.

But there’s more. The Spirit Level brought my brother-in-law Greg so clearly into my understanding that I asked my dear sister if I couldn’t please speak to him.  She said NO. She was initiating her very own divorce from her husband of 13 years and I could just butt out. But telepathically, he must have heard my pleas and we spoke and spoke the very next day. I told Judy that I only wish my fictional characters could be half as convincing about their love as he was. She was uncharacteristically silent long enough for me to clip my nails.

As I write, Greg has a job, he’s reconciled with my mother, and Judy, has updated her facebook status to MARRIED to Greg!  I still haven ‘t heard a word from Judy but hopefully, she’s enjoying the fact that Greg has become a laundry master,  masseur,  chef, and income earner in addition to his usual role as Excellent Father to Zachary and Sierra.

So, who could want anything more?  Yet…. I had the privilege of treating a 75 year old Mongolian fighting to grab the best American medicine has to offer before returning home. ( I explained that he’s safer at home where there are no cars or urologists). Then I diagnosed pneumonia in my exciting European friend who speaks fluent Chinese, and address multiple issues with French teenagers and their mom while we were laughing and talking so much that  my VERY FAVORITE PATIENT, waiting in the waiting room thought it was a party.

But that’s not even all! A swim partner took to land long enough to play the Brahms cello sonata with me. (It actually DOES sound better with both parts!), I enjoyed SUPER FAST pickleballs with James, Vince, Noel, and David, had a great time talking to Chris and Adrian,  and celebrated Kurt’s 85th birthday with everyone else.

But even that isn’t nearly all. Summer’s been invited to go to Princeton for an official visit by their track coach. Iris will meet me, Eric, and Summer at Newark Airport Dec 8th.

Happily it goes on and on and on…I love my new book club, Thanksgiving was the best ever (Carol, Mer, Andy, Emily, Lauren, Summer, Eric and me) and we had recent visits from Dick and Karen and before that, RINOOOOOOSH, AND we’re all meeting in Arizona for Xmas.

…And progress with Greg unleashed a beautiful loving email from Rafi to Greg…

…and after hiking 8 miles with the oldest woman ever to summit Mt. Rainier (Bronka Sendstrom) a bunch of us crashed in her house. Then she sends ME a thank you for washing dishes and leaving her some fresh beets!  She’s 86 years old.

…and I’ve played TONS of scrabble lately.

Summer sang Xmas carols with me and the piano…

Day dayenu…daydayenu….daydayenu …dayenu dayenU!

tomorrow….I’ll probably mope around all day but that’s OK.

State Champion

When Summer dropped her 800m time from 2:22 to 2:17, one of the track dads (Tom Lucas) quipped that we’d just saved ourselves 40K in tuition. When she dropped it to 2:15 and won the state championship, she received a letter from the Yale track coach and we figured out that her time put her squarely in the middle of nearly all the Ivy League track teams. She’d be the best at MIT and not quite the middle at Stanford but not the bottom either.

She wanted her name to hang in the Interlake Gym in perpetuity and that will now happen. Most girls get really tired by the end of the 800m race. She must also! But she continues to pass girls, even those with a last minute surge. She visualizes her goal clearly and doesn’t let anything mar the image. Her coach Brad described the extreme fatigue you have to push past. Summer minimized this. “ I just keep accelerating.”  I think about her when  I swim 4 50’s in a row, time increasing from 48 sec to almost 60 and I can’t “push” past it and stay “fast.” I can’t imagine how Summer does it.

Tyler’s Grandma said she watched Summer’s race with skepticism. A Newport girl with longer legs was far ahead. Tyler told her not to worry.  Before long the girl looked over her shoulder stunned to see Summer approaching quickly.  Summer powered past Miss Newport with ease, impressing Grandma.

Today, she pulled an Eric. Decided it was homework day. She was never rude but she ignored the chatter around her and powered through physics and French homework til it was done. She had nothing but homework and water for hours on end, interrupting once to offer support for her parents over Emily which she rarely does-Emily felt a quarter’s tuition was too high a price to pay for getting a new dog against our wishes. Summer pointed out that if she’s really worried about $ she could forgo the dog saving the $500 it costs to buy her plus the tuition we’re unloading on her.

Nobody can get mad at Summer but Emily and I didn’t have to hash out that topic after Summer’s clear analysis.

I finished the first draft of my book on Mother’s Day.It’s printed on the backs of Summer’s old homework sheets-helpful in case I need examples of hard work during my edits.  I don’t really want to be finished because it’s my favorite hobby at the moment and I want it to be much better.(I’m trying to ignore the great abyss into which it’s likely to fall when finally complete).  I did scene triage in which I was supposed to mercilessly delete chapters without action advancing character’s goals. I deleted at least 2. Now, I need to do 7 edits. THe first is the character edit. There my protagonist is being outshined by side characters so he needs a makeover. Also, my setting needs more depth. This is my favorite part. Just like Eric nixed pot in college, he  nixed my impassioned conversations on how to re-invent healthcare, transportaion, and city design. So now, I just make it even more radical (cars in my conversation were stuck underground- in my books, they’re deprived of roads and power so they’re basically gone.)

Eric was bitten by a stray dog in Athens. But it’s healing well and he was able to follow my advice for Augmentin and a tetanus shot for $20 from a pharmacist. He also hired 4 people for Microsoft, lifting them out of the soured Greek economy. He thought he’d be immune to the allure of Greece but he was wrong. He compared Athens with Tel Aviv (solar water heaters on the rooves and 4 story buildings everywhere) and Madrid!  Better still, he promised to take me there. He loved his uphill run into a forested park in spite of the irritable dog.

Lauren and Emily are moving out August 1st into an apartment close to campus and on the same level so they don’t have to trudge up any big hills to get to class. (Is that good or bad? ). I’m so happy that they’ll live together. Emily even thought about friends- the apartment is full of UW students with pets and Emily feels totally comfortable talking with another dog owner. Her future dog is now the size of a guinea pig apparently. I’ve promised to spoil Summer rotten as soon as the her sisters leave. They’ve tempered our enthusiasm by  muttering disapproval when we hash out track or college admission statistics too energetically. Next goals for the kids: admission to the majors of their choices: informatics for Lauren and Psychology for Emily. 

I wanted to call my Iris, Rafi, Judy, and Solly today but I biked to UW to hear Tom Gibb’s commencement address to the graduating Civil Engineers then went to Tyler’s graduation party with Summer and Kat’s graduation party alone.  and LIsa left today for Provence and Spain.

Summer found a simple gray dress for under $30 at a Thrift shop in Seattle. Last night she wore it to prom. Tyler’s mother and grandmother thought it was elegant and beautiful- sort of like Marilyn Monroe. About 25 couples and their parents all crowded into the Margolis yard for pictures- I feel like I enjoyed the beauty with Rina since I was on the phone with her and texting her photos all the while. Plus she reminded me how wonderful baths are. I took a bath in my huge tub after biking to UW today. Aaaaaahhhh.

Is this normal?

Lauren’s Krav Maga teacher demonstrated to this class: if you do this move and dislocate your attacker’s jaw, they’ll be recovering for a long time but I prefer to just do THIS and quickly break their noses as if he goes around injurying people as a hobby.

I had a cold followed by a minor stomach ache recently. I thought my energy and motivation were gone forever. But instead, with incredibly good luck I’m back to health.

Today, I decided  I want to talk to my mom every day! Whenever, I call, she sounds like she’s laughing and in the middle of some adventure I could have never imagined.  Also, today, she decided we’d either play a word on facebook scrabble  or talk everyday. I’m lucky my mother is young, imaginative, and telepathically connected to me. As a happy side effect, half the time, I reach Rafi. Today, he and I  had fun deciding all the solid  reasons we don’t want to live in Upper Walthamstow and where we’ll vacation when we’re”stationed” in London.

Today, I went straight from doing great work on my novel (and spotting 2 racoons in the creek) to discovering that Summer was locked in her bedroom with Tyler. My hysteria was in check and she assured me she would not become a teen mom and agreed to leave the door open in the future. Lucky again, we went on to have a really fun night studying strange French words (“vair” means squirrel fur and Cinderella’s slippers were originally “vair” instead of “verre” (glass). ). Who would’ve known. We also found out that if she ran the 400 m for Columbia, she’d be the 5th fastest.

Emily and Andy are well focused on their schoolwork and doggies. And Eric is down to 171 lbs and lifting weights. His biceps are actually bigger than Summer’s!

But back to Krav Maga girl, AN AGENT REQUESTED Lauren’s FULL MANUSCRIPT. No wonder, she’s starting to feel capable of elbowing, kneeing and kicking off random offenders. She’s en route to being a published author! 

Minus one for nukes, plus one for emotions

Thomas D’Agostino says highly enriched plutonium has been removed from 19 countries where it wasn’t secured since Obama proclaimed this a priority in April 2010. There are 16 countries to go. They transferred the material from the Ukraine into safekeeping during a top secret midnight operation over the Xmas vacation involving 4 countries and over 40 different organizations. I passed this good news to Rafi carefully deleting Obama’s (good) name and the exclusive source (Rachel Maddow).

Steven Johnson apparently wrote a book that was discussed on a Nov 2008 edition of radiolab.org that was re-aired today. The psychologists seem to have pretty convincing evidence that the  “stress” of having to memorize 7 numbers is enough to make study participants choose cake when offered a choice of 2 snacks. People that only had to keep 2 numbers in their head overwhelmingly chose fruit. More interesting, they found that people who rely on their  gut feeling  make better decisions than those who overanalyze.  Apparently, the conscious mind gets misled when it attempts to process the excess of available information. In contrast, the subconcious brain is able to synthesize a quick accurate answer by stirring hundreds of tiny personal experiences into one emphatic answer.

Lauren’s rational mind recognizes that it’s tough to maintain a relationship with a boyfriend who is and will be in a different country for the foreseeable future but she KNOWS she wants to marry Carlos. By contrast, she said it was over analysis that yielded her decision to go to Eckerd College. The proximity to family turned out even better than anticipated but the lackadaisical academic environment didn’t work.

Rina was a cheerful, insightful addition to our New Year reunion in Scottsdale this year. Bethany has always been pretty but she stunned everyone with her beauty after Emily made her up. Iris and Rafi acted like sweet lovebirds, to their offspring’s great relief. And Loaded Questions was the perfect game choice. Rafi, Iris, Derek, Bethany, Summer, Emily and I all played, laughing the whole time and actually learning things we didn’t know about each other… Iris would have liked to play TENNIS and the GUITAR. Summer has never cleaned a toilet. Emily has (apparently) done EVERY HOUSEHOLD JOB that exists while Iris freely admitted that she had never cleaned a computer keyboard. Lynelle brought her friends over so they could spend one more middle of the night with Summer after I reinstated Summer’s curfew. And she was kind enough to drive me, Emily, Derek and Bethany to AZ on the Rocks climbing gym. She also drove everyone to coffee plantation. Luckily, I beat the rest by an hour or two and the time to work on my book cheered my up so I was able to enjoy the company of Emily, Bethany, Summer and Lynelle. The plantation people were nice enough to accomadate us even though we only bought 3 cold drinks.

The lame duck congress came through ratifying the nuclear arms agreement with Russia. Rachel Maddow’s greatest fear is nuclear destruction. She’s brilliant so hopefully I’m wrong thinking shortages of fresh water will do us in. (Encouraging that Mike Whitehead also thinks water will remain plentiful).  Solange bought a $4400 mountain bike (will cost $6600 after upgrades) and I kept up with her when she turned the corner from Thompson Peak Road to 100th St. Emily, Lauren, and Andy are all on the Dean’s List at the Univ. of Washington AND my favorite 84 year old pickle ball friend Kurt,  said that whereever I go there should be a piano. The first thing I did on returning home was play Brahms which I love.

Probably the main reason I was in such a good mood today is my run with Levi. This was our first run together since he became completely blind. He nearly fell off the bridge and he bumped into a few branches while sniffing out the perfect toileting spot but he made up for it. Out on the icy sidewalk, he easily stayed right behind me. Off leash at Highland Middle School,  he really took off running  fast on the snowy grass and followed me just fine through the woods. We were both happy to sit in the sun at Ivar’s and take a leisurely walk enjoying the smells of Donuts, Petco, coffee and ethnic foods at Crossroads.  Fully rejuvenated, we happily ran all the way home. When I sat down at the piano, he took his loyal listener spot on the couch. Cherish your blind dog. Emotional trumps  rational.

Not Rick Scott

Floridians chose the man responsible for the largest scam against Medicare to be their governor?  I burst into tears while cutting carrots. I thought the transfer of taxes into Wall Street was as blatant as it could get  with the direct Treasury to Goldman Sachs TARP funnel  but now we might as well sell  Floridians to the   “healthcare” companies. Just like the Alfred Hitchcock episode Eric and I watched last night where a rich, highly esteemed medical professor routinely had his fellow citizens murdered to maintain  a steady supply of cadavers. Bill Clinton tried to stop it by asking the Democrat to step down and allow Charlie Christ to win. Obama is trying to save our country but hatred, greed, ignorance and propaganda are teamed up against him We blue people have  let our sense of helplessness flatten us into inactivity.

I called my uncle before moving from carrots to onions in dinner prep. He’s going to cut news out of his TV viewing habits and hang on to his condo in Buenos Aires. We discussed University of Oregon footbal team’s  no huddle offense to avoid total despair.

Even Jon Stewart can’t take the intense idiocy. He’s targeting the media instead of the corporate puppets who pretend to represent the American people. Rachel Maddow will hold onto what’s right, hopefully without getting so emotional that she loses half her audience.

Had sauteed veggies over couscous with egg sauce along with chili casserole for dinner. Summer, Emily, Lauren, Andy, Eric and I were all there with 2 dogs waiting patiently for leftovers. Played piano, worked on book. Newspaper and NPR will have to wait.

True

Be true to yourself. Even if it takes your whole life.

In one of his books Obama said your actions must reflect your thoughts and feelings.  In The Audacity of Hope, he discusses his inner conflict. Should he take public transportation, opening a door to encounters with everyday people? Or accept flight on a private jet along with a financial boost to  his campaign ? What if your sense of self was irreparably corrupted?  Say someone who’s all powerful  committed actions that permanently made you a bad person. Would you then reaffirm this self identity by abusing yourself?

Today, my patient I’ll call Nadia said that for each pound she’s overweight, she’ll assign and write about one stressful life event. She’ll then address each item in turn. She proposed a big bonfire at the end to get rid of them all…I suggested she publish her work instead. (The delusions of a lonely blogger).

In The Family That Preys, Tyler Perry writes in  a minor character who wants to start his own business even though his best friend, wife, and multiple bankers try to pound his dreams and ego into the floorboard. His “blindness” to the “truths” around him lead to….his own business. According to Hollywood expert Emily June Hanson, Tyler Perry was abused by 3 different people.  He seems to be searching for his self identity by playing multiple roles in his own movies….movies which portray right and wrong in bright lights.

Emily and Andy had to rank order the severity of 13 crimes in their sociology class at the University of Washington…crimes including murder, rape, suicide, embezzelment, treason and adultery. Our instructors in med school would have never assigned such an  exercise. If they did, I’m absolutely sure, the class would have protested strenuously. I know this because a simple deviation from the multiple choice test format created an uprising. (We’re  training to be doctors, not writers!). 

My friend, Tom, started off as an accountant in his father’s business. His inner voice suggested an entirely different path. When he followed his own instincts, his family disowned him but he  earned a long, gratifying career of his own. As a psychoanalyst, he now helps others discern their true images from the mutilated distorted collages that cruelty previously cemented  onto their canvasses.

“That was true,” I said to myself   today when I hit the pickleball fast, just over the net, and far into my opponents backhand yet within the boundaries. Can you believe, I posted this whole long blog just so I could immortalize that shot? The blog has nothing to do with the fact that my mother is  partying  in South Beach for Halloween.

Connections

Rabbi Fine said that David Eagleman explores what it means to be human in his book “SUM” with vignettes about the afterlife. The first vignette recalls that Dr. Frankenstein’s monster went out of control because he badly wanted a relationship and things weren’t going well.

My yoga instructor gave me a candy flagged with “relaxing with friends is the best way to unwind after a long day.”  And the NYT reported that the researchers who found that obese friends increase risk of obesity are now finding that the opposite is true. Hhmmm hanging out with healthy types could be good for your health. (makes me think about Jim Hammond and Iris…)

Anyway….I got lucky Friday night. Three friends came over even though decaf tea and watered down (scoreless) Scrabble were the only draws.  We had the best time just talking.  But I kind of dreaded Sunday night.  In one my my excessively good moods, I had the idea of inviting 2 families with young kids who I thought would enjoy meeting. LITTLE KIDS….What was I thinking???  But for once, I was right. The husbands were talking so intently , I had to practically drag them to the table for lasagna. The wives, both former clarinetists, did hit it off and Lauren and Summer  entertained the 6 and 7 year old and the 7 year old did a beautiful job with the darling one year old.  I had fun at my own dinner party for once.

Best of all, Emily very considerately took the dog to the dog park and shopping during the party and then stopped me from piano to talk to me.  With Andy at her side looking adoringly, she informed me that she plans to exercise when she’s pregnant and she’ll attend an ice cream social for the business school (NOT IN THAT ORDER). She also says she’s going for straight A’s her 2nd quarter at UW. (I had to blurt out that Peter Orzag singled out UW in today’s NYT because of its Medicaid driven  budget cuts:  26% this year and next. But adversity worse than that can be overcome. )  Emily and Andy are so happy and I’m confident and motivated- I’m confident they’ll have a successful quarter.

What does it mean to be buman?  Maybe it’s our  yearning to weave connections  with generations past and future  and our computers….ooops I mean our  family and friends.