Emilene

“When I have children, I’ll love them forever until I die!” Emily was crying. I wasn’t. I had gotten all my tears and sobs out talking to my mom on the phone before Emily came over.

I know it’s healthy to practice gratitude and optimism but black doubts sometime drown those. Emily makes $9.65/hour at Samena. That’s about $360 per week or $18K/year. She’s not ready for grad school and even if she was, she would probably be rejected due to a GPA of 2.5 or worse. “I don’t want to live with random people. I’m a private person!”  If Emily’s lucky, she’ll get to live with Lauren after graduation but will she be able to afford half the rent?

I just wanted to snuggle up under blankets with hot chocolate and watch TV and coddle my daughter forever. But my mom steered me clear of that.  I wanted to adopt her dog for her. So what if she prefers indoor plumbing! Emily would have more time, more money, more friends and more housing options!  But Eric plead against it. (Very rare to hear that emotion in his voice) “We have to let her know we won’t take care of any babies.”  Yowsa. This is about more than carpet cleaning.

“Emily. Daddy and I love you. We love you more than we love ourselves.” I hugged my make up free 21 year old with her brand new case of acne. “If we thought you couldn’t support yourself, we wouldn’t make you…” Emily nodded slightly. “We  know you can do it but you don’t. The only way you’ll know is by doing it.” 

That night, 3:30 AM I was awake.  How much could she amass if she saved $72/week?  At age 22, she should have a lot of time to compound interest. Could a community college certification get her a job that paid better than a psychology bachelor’s degree from University of Washington?   I had ideas for short term goals: resume, choose the best website for job search. Teach cello lessons.  For anxiety run, get into counseling since insurance will cover and it can help long term. Accomplish something to lift mood even if it’s cleaning out the bathroom sink.  Of course, long term ideas occurred to me also: Look at job availibility before selecting type of grad school. Work really hard at job, volunteer opportunities, and possibly grad school or post bac. Do not get married or have kids until you’re confident, happy, and independent. I emailed Emily every link and word.

She calmly thanked me for all that while encouraging me to adopt a more normal schedule. (Sit by fire when cold, and watch Parks and Recreation and Arrested Development for entertainment were her other helpful pieces of advice.)

Today, I received her resume, a cover letter and news of applications to a 911 dispatch job and a physician recruitment firm.

I saw a new patient who wants to restart cigarettes…ever since he quit 18 months ago, his bm’s have gotten less and less frequent. He now goes about once a week. Also, he calmly lies in bed all night without sleeping. He even blames the lack of cigarettes for his shoulder, knee and foot pain. I’m the first doc he’s seen in 14 years and I hope I can help. A one year old patient returned from vacation in Norway to get her shots-calming Chinese conversation from her mom kept her on the right side of hysterics. Another new patient is a communications grad from UW, newly laid off and newly married but pretty confident that he’ll find work in addition to being a basketball official. Luckily, I noticed an urgent request for records… my 42 year smoker patient who just had a stroke will be seeing a neurologist tomorrow morning at 9 AM. Also, my Pakistani patient just discharged from the hospital with urosepsis (possibly due to long term antibiotics for acne?) is safely home with his new wife.

So, at 9 PM with Emily texting me to go home already, I was about to leave. Until I picked up a business card my friend Judy Simon had given me. Unbridled Therapy: traditional or equine therapy by a young licenced marriage and family therapist in Kirkland. I just had to send Emily one more email.  And I really had to thank my mom.