I'll take 10 minutes to summarize 2018 to today before I turn on my flashlight and walk through the dark forest of our backyards to arrive at the Y just before 6 AM. 

I don't recommend it but if you'd like more detail, I can refer you to a 72 page google doc titled Emily Rescue. Summer found her passion fixing up and selling vintage bikes and directing, writing, and acting in movies.  She also found Quinn Price, a tall good looking, Cornellian who speaks French, loves to travel, makes his own wine and enjoys cohousing.  Lauren's Rachel Weiss' groupchat is officially released TODAY!  I started re reading it early this morning (to be in sync with the masses) forgetting that I can't help laughing and snorting during first few pages, possibly disturbing Eric's sleep. Lauren has a beautiful marriage to Dave and 2 delightful children: Caroline and Evan. 

Eric and I are happy at work.  I love my music friends and adventures and it's not true that I cry every day.  It's only some days. What is true:  Eric is getting upset with the crying.  

So: Emily's last day at norcom was 9/15/18. Luka died at the very beginning of the pandemic: Friday 3/13/20.  Summer and Lauren started visiting Emily's small apartment every Friday night.  Soon after, Summer and Michael Camp invited Emily to live with them in a lovely apartment Lauren found near her house. 

I visited Emily every Thursday to help her with cleaning, laundry, cooking.  I had never seen anyone so depressed.  She moved so slowly and could barely enjoy a TV show.  5/5/22 on the evening before her first Ketamine session and during the fleeting moment that she had a job at MFS billing,  I recommended she pee in a cup to make sure other drugs wouldn't interfere with the ketamine. A look of horror swept her face and words spilled out fast:  "I smoke weed every day.  And play video games every day." 

Emily quit pot on her own 12/9/22.  Positive communications assisted by Beyond Addiction book helped.  Mostly I credit Emily.  She did it.  Regular drug testing settled into weekly drug tests texted to me and Eric.  As far as we know, she's still clean today. She won our 2015 Subaru outback for this and deserved it 100%. 

In 2023, when she wasn't working and starting to run out of money, Greg, a Texan 19 yo gamer boyfriend paid Emily's rent and expenses for 6 months. Late Nov 2023, Emily agreed to surrender her mouse and video games x 3 months in exchange for us paying off her credit card.  

Beginning 1/2/24, she took  winter, spring and summer classes at N. Seattle College with stellar A+ performance at the start only slipping from 2 classes/quarter to 1 plus yoga and A- by last quarter. 

We paid her living expenses and tuition during school.  Gaming got worse but relationship with Emily was protected due to Love, Eric's good sense, and Beyond Addiction book helping me to reduce my harmful interactions with my precious girl.  

8/26/24, we stopped giving her any financial support.  She has enough money for Oct rent but not Nov. Current boyfriend, Jake,  has offered a plane ticket to Orange county but not rent.  Al Anon helps me along with my self help book.  

I'll try to cry less often.  Going to play pickleball now.  Then 2 morning CCL meetings, then work, then leading the Washington State Group Leader meeting tonight as Washington state co-coordinator. 

Zesty Story Telling

"You don't have to go," I kept telling myself.  You can shop, cook, finish office work... Summer picked up the phone. 

"I'm calling to tell you I can't attend but looking at my To Do list, I'm realizing I can push everything to tomorrow."

"I'm glad you'll be there, Mama.  Jenni is great.  You'll learn a lot. 

I inflated the tires of my red, white, and blue Fuji aloha and figured the pine needles and dirt would soon be blown off.  Wearing my warm  Uggs boots,  I biked up my cul de sac which sparkled with frost. I headed west, happy the sun was still in the south, and quickly reached the 520 bridge over Lake Washington.  As I neared the University of Washington, I saw hordes of black ducks all swimming north.  At the University, I joined bikers and pedestrians, some toting suitcases,  enjoying safe passage above the traffic on wide boulevards connecting the Burke Gilman Trail with Husky stadium and a light rail station.  The Burke Gilman trail carried me securely along the north end of Lake Washington showcasing Seattle's skyline and boats moored on top of more  boats.   Shortly after Gasworks Park, I recognized The Riveter, the cowork space where Summer wishes she still worked. 

A business like woman in a hurry joined me in the staircase:  Summer!  (Her Dad, also in a hurry, almost walked right past me last night when I headed to meet his bus stop- they have similarities! ).

Summer and I were both early to a workshop led by Jenni Gritters, a reporter who's worked for the NY Times and  publications I've never heard of like Upworthy and Experience.  Jenni works at the Riveter enjoying floor to ceiling windows overlooking Lake Washington and the Skyline and an unlimited supply of free chocolate morsels.  She aimed to help us with Click Bait type writing as well as long form.  Emotion, surprise, visuals, good headlines, and knowing your audience were discussed.

Jenni warned against writing about TOPICS.  You have to pick a story frame:  like moving a camera view over  your topic to frame a section that will attract attention.  This should be narrow. Like if I blog about my struggle to slow climate change, I could choose a list (7 reasons I won't quit) or one story that inspires my work, or a trends piece- 4 years ago if the words "climate change" spilled from the mouth of  R, they were yanked out of office.  Today 45 Republicans sit on the Bipartisan Climate Solutions Caucus. Brainstorm possible ideas .TOPICS are boring.  Must have characters (I'd love to know the story of George, the Alaskan fisherman, who represents Alaska at every Citizens Climate Lobby conference- in person or on the phone). Conflict is needed! CCL's  Fee and Dividend Bill was supposed to be introduced in March 2018.  It was not, then June was anticipated. After that, October.  Finally on Nov 27th it was introduced.  Yes-that sounds super boring. But you can be sure, major conflicts went on  to cause near introductions and then pulling the introduction.  Powerful forces oppose climate action. Moneyed, Manipulative, and Evil forces.  It is against these that the bill sputtered and delayed but finally was born. And history might reveal the sordid stories behind the delays in bill introduction .

Visuals are a must. Original photos or drawings, or maybe an infographic.

Find element of surprise. "It's a street fight for human attention."  You want to illicit a response:
Charge companies for mining coal, drilling for natural gas, or importing oil and then give all the proceeds to American families?  I need to tell my friends about that idea! It's smart!

Or 100,000 CCL volunteers lobby their legislators persistently and respectfully and they've accomplished WHAT? This gives me hope for humanity! 

OMG, I had no idea that 3 R's and 3 D's recently worked together to introduce the most powerful bill against climate change ever introduced in the USA just last week?!   Possibly the strongest anti climate change bill ever.

"Or civilization will be destroyed by business as usual" might make someone say "ugh that sucks...I want to do something about it. "

Another good response is "This is my life"  but I've just never vocalized it . To get this response, you have to be very very specific. Like Adam Smith wrote one or two pages all describing the characteristics of a prudent person.  "That's my husband! " I found myself yelling.  I had never been able to describe his personality with such accurate detail!

Jenni said to notice how you feel when you're writing?  ( I feel rushed because I have a telephone conference in 6 minutes about getting the word out to the media about our bill) .

Make your story SKIMMABLE by having bold sentences at each section that can tell a story in their own right for all the folks that won't read every word. You have about a minute. 

Ask yourself:  would I share this story? 

Brainstorm headlines.  "The United States could lead the world's climate change effort in 2019- no kidding"

Anyway, as you can see I have a long way to go to follow Jenni's advice .
But I bused to a meeting at Overlake where I won a wreath hand made by Debi Jefferson, an old friend,  and I'm safely home.
I'm too tired to see if the dirt and pine needles blew off my bike but my new wreath is hanging on our front door. 

Halfway to everywhere

Fourteen people - including a  green architect, a retired accountant, and an executive coach have agreed to join Citizens Climate Lobby Bellevue.  I feel like I should generate laser agenda and devise the speediest route toward achieving our dream:  a national price on carbon dioxide pollution! Unable to accomplish that today, I did talk to a potential member about her interests and barriers for about 30 minutes-- maybe that's an accomplishment in itself- following up and getting to know members so we can eventually (hopefully) form a cohesive effective team. I'm looking forward to meeting another potential member who writes about bicycle meditation-- a pastime I recently realized I engage in.


Regarding work:  prescription bounce backs, new prescription refill requests, prior authorizations, and bloated nonsensical reports are encroaching on the 2 half days a week that I'm not seeing patients.  (8 pages generated by EPIC holds about 2 sentences of useful information IF I'm LUCKY. I've seen 44 pages with nothing intelligible. )  I need to trim the hairy admin monster. So far, all I've come up with is to stop filing PT notes. WHAT ELSE can I do???  I KNOW!  Gradually phase in a policy in which I only write prescriptions at office or E visits.  I can have interim steps:  announce phases on website.  Phase one:  one month/no refills only.  Phase two: 15 days/no refills only. Phase 3: E visit or office visit for all prescriptions. YES!  I will do this.  I have every right to protect myself since I'm offering concierge service without concierge surcharge and prescriptions are by far my #1 problem.


Regarding friends-  Aruntati is currently my favorite yoga teacher.  "There are so many places we can go from this starting place!" she says after we're shakily balanced on one foot, grasping our big toe of the other foot, (bent knee better than bent back), and trying  to pull our foot in front and to the side.  She's leaving for the summer but I think we've convinced her to REALLY come back instead of abandoning us for the younger dance and yoga clientele at her studio.  Thank goodness! 


Intention, Timing, Effort, a Catalyst and Destiny are needed to make something happen in life according to Swati, Anita's beautiful sister from Westchester county who we met at Niki's graduation party last night.  Today, I was starving at 11:30 AM (catalyst).  I didn't have any 11:30 or noon patients! (Destiny?) I intend to spend every minute possible with Summer.  I knocked on her bedroom door right when she woke up. I made pancakes from the chia seed/rice flour/whatever other starch Eric found in the pantry batter that Eric left me on the kitchen counter.  Summer whisked up eggs scrambled with precious cheese and salsa.  We added decaf hazelnut coffee from the French press and some homemade syrup (don't ask me how Eric made that).  Settled in partial sun on the deck, calories spread all over the flowered table cloth, Summer told me how Carl wishes she was with him in Italy.  I got to see photos of him smiling with random bridesmaids and lines of other young men.  He has a huge smile and apparently drinks 24 ounces of coffee whenever he can get it.


Good violin lesson today even thought I had to admit I had not practiced once.  Better job next week I hope. Nicole Bloam is a good teacher.


Well, I was sitting in the sun when I started this post but now, even the disappearing clear spots in the sky have resigned into gray.  The sun wants to stay out til 10 PM but the clouds soften all that blurring the border between day and dusk. Halfway feels comfortable some days.

I had a dream

My mother (the best realtor in the world) was showing us houses.  "How much is that one?" I asked about the largest and newest house.
 "$4000," she answered.
"You mean $400,000," I muttered-real estate smarts being in my blood and all.
"No, I mean $4000.  That house has no water."


That is a great example of a dream, I don't want to come true.


I visited my friend Christina Bletzinger Cooper in Melbourne, Australia in approximately 1993.  All the water in her house came from rainwater collected in a cistern. Can we do that here? Absolutely!  But someone doesn't want us to.


I would love to be one of the people that radically changes our country for the better. But one of my goals for the last 2 weeks was simply to review my last year of utility bills.  Unlike the process for collecting rainwater, transfer of my money to the utilities is so smooth that it's difficult to find a trace. Puget Sound Energy is  busy trying to take over an old railway bed to generate more power so they don't have time to answer the phone or emails or update their website so average customers can review their bills.




But that's OK!  That will make it even more fun when customers realize that they themselves can generate and profit from power.  The May 4th New York Times describes New Yorks's State Energy Plan: Con Edison has been selling it's power generators to small independent producers since the 90's. Soon, they won't generate power at all. Their new role will be  running the grid and making sure energy is distributed fairly.   This is one reason why Timothy Egan can concede Congress to the Koch brothers' "cohort of people flopping around in the waters of stupidity" and still be optimistic.  As soon as I  can generate, control and profit from power production, I will never go back to paying Puget Sound Energy an average of $225 per month (it took me 2 minutes to find it on my bank website),  nearly $400 in colder months, and then beg them to show me the records.


Then there's water:  our most valuable resource.  Even here in the rainiest corner of our country, our water is centrally supplied and should not be taken for granted.


Citizen's Climate Lobby started with 3 local groups in 2007 (San Diego, San Francisco and Anne Engstrom's group in Seattle) and the number of groups has doubled each year.  Including my new Bellevue group, we should have about 300 groups in 2014.   Our purpose is to "create a political will for a stable climate and to
"empower individuals to have breakthroughs in exercising their personal and political power."
I'd like to help each person in my group meet with a lawmaker and write a letter to the editor. I'd also like to join toastmasters to improve my speaking skills.


Here's  a  dream I do want to come true (from CCL's website): "Cool the planet with your voice."

Make sure your Christmas bonus is bigger than your bail

When my swim coach told me that Julia played cello, I thought it was too good to be true.  I dreamed of finding chamber musicians to play with.  There couldn't be one sharing my swim lane!  "Do you know the Brahms cello sonatas?" I asked her while we were getting dressed. The beautiful melody that opens Brahms'  E minor cello sonata magically flowed right out of her mouth.  "Come to my house tomorrow night after work,"  I told her.  Lucky for me, she agreed. 

Today, I swam in the 5 AM class instead of our usual 6 AM. When Julia asked why, I admitted that I had insomnia due to a worry about my middle daughter.  "Oh, I see," she answered.  "Last time you were super worried, it turned out to be a problem fit for a radio segment."

Sure, she had a point. While Julia was enjoying dinner with me and Eric, we became increasingly worried about Summer's absence. Sadly, I really worry with passion.  Turns out, Summer was attending a diner for students accepted at Princeton and her cell phone was off.  OK, so that wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been but this...

When my sister was in a relationship with Greg and I suggested she date other guys just to make sure he was the right one, she showed anger- the only anger I've ever witnessed from her. "I will never talk to you about my social life again!"  From that I've learned, any influence from family must be given early.

Emily chose the first apartment she saw both  before college and after college.  She did the same with her job.  "Shouldn't you fill out some other applications just in case this job doesn't work out?"  She did not.  She went through the 6 month application process to become a 911 dispatcher and with her brains, hard work, typing skills and excellent memory, she got the job.   All of that worked out wonderfully and she continues to thrive in this very important work.  However,  I am unable to embrace this selection process for guys.

"Have you ever been married?" I asked Julia in the hot tub last week.  I knew she had an MD, a PhD, she had lived in the deep south,  she has a family heirloom grand piano, a formidable music collection, and a sister anyone would admire but  I had never asked her this.

Call me manipulative. Tell me I'm the mother my daughter will never recover from.  But I can't help it. I spelled out my wishes, threatening to curtail my 4 day a week dog watching services if they're not met.  ( I love watching Fancy and Tobe too- Havanese/Daschund and Schitzu- best dogs since my old standard poodle).   Join 1-2 orchestras, even though you'll miss some practices/concerts due to work.  Take your last 5 credits of college in person (with on-line option for days you'll miss). Go out to dinner with 10 guys before you go steady with anyone. Let us know if you'd like a gym membership for Chanukah.

I told her she thinks it's normal and even annoying that guys are always falling all over her.  If she is true to herself, this "problem" will last her entire life.  (She knows that her grandmother Iris has guys falling all over her.) However, the quality of the guys will change with time.

Julia's never been married.  I asked her why.  "The guys I dated didn't like music.  They didn't respect my Catholicism."  She was true to herself.   When I leave the locker room, Julia offers advice like "Make sure your Christmas bonus is bigger than your bail."   Today her advice was re-read David Copperfield and keep a journal.

I don't know if Julia is happy with all her past choices but as her friend, I'm happy she is exactly who she is today.

Montlake and Ballard

Summer's been rude to me most of the day. Plus, I nearly tripped on the ancient birkenstocks she left near my computer. Tripping could be a disaster since my left achille's is only partially healed. It's almost like she could tell my mood was too good.  Eric's trying to help too. If I was a flamenco dancer, he would tamp me into early retirement with his plain vanilla expectations.

But, I'm happy to report to my kind reader that nothing worked. My day was excellent.  After a quick swim at the Y, I surprised Eric, his mom, and her cousin (Joan)  by arriving home 10 minutes before our scheduled departure. I got to drink black coffee while  Joan drank her hot chocolate and chattered cheerfully about her excellent health. Then Eric and I dropped Joan and Carol on Fun Center Way (I'm not kidding) where they boarded a bus headed for Vancouver BC where they'll board a Holland America Cruise to Alaska. The two women are first cousins, best friends, and newly widowed.  I wanted to jump on the bus too but my vanilla husband is actually better than a cruise.

Rocking chairs on the driveway were the next stop. Eric and I planned our upcoming camping trip while we waited for Summer to wake up.  Then I biked to the Kirkland Park and Ride. Almost anything is exciting when you're waiting for a bus. I was very happy to see my beautiful 19 year old daughter ride up, smiling under her snow white helmet.

Almost as soon as you enter the University of Washington district, you join a stream of bikers that likely annoys cars and may even encourage them to drive elsewhere. We easily glided over the Montlake bridge and onto the Burke Gilman Trail. On our left, the medical school provided a massive and reassuring presence.  On our right, we caught  glimpses of the Gothic buildings and manicured lawns of campus. Peace Park, the industrial side of Lake Union and the edge of Gasworks park were stepping stones to my favorite part of the trail.  The huge metal trellis of the Aurora Bridge soars over the Washington Ship canal which connects Lake Union with Puget Sound. A tiny pocket of house boats is close enough to touch and a happy statue sits next to the water watching bikers, walkers and strollers. The trail curves to stay close to the water. I stopped to wait for Summer while the Fremont bridge was up to allow The Harmony and a few sailboats to pass.


"Did you see the yacht called Harmony?"  I yelled to Summer as she blew past me.
"I don't even know what a yacht looks like," was the reply I could barely hear. The next time she was unlucky  enough to be next to me, she asked where we were going.
"That's helpful," she said sarcastically before leaving in the dust. 
I told her everything I knew. We were headed to Ballard.

Six months ago, Lauren told me she wanted to live in a place with community. My cynical brain started wailing about how there used to be small towns where people knew and cared about each other. Well, there still are places like Clatskanie, Oregon but try getting a job in one of those. Luckily years of training from my husband taught me to keep those dark thoughts to myself.

And Voila!  Lauren went out into the neighborhoods and found Ballard!  Bright flags and the smell of hot dogs announced our arrival to the Ballard Farmer's market. Summer promptly disappeared amongst the stalls while my bike and I entered the lobby of the Ballard Inn through an open door. When an attendant caught me map reading  on a comfy black and white couch, she said I could stay all day. Happy with that, I left to explore the Olympic Athletic Club.

"Come explore with me!"  Summer called on my cell. I was so excited, I left my boot and bike and we found home made sodas (I chose cilantro, lime, and Jalepeno pepper flavor), soaps, men's and women's hats, and a vintage clothing store.  Eventually, the traffic released Lauren and Eric into our midst and we quickly bought fresh veggie quesadillas and magical ointment before the stalls closed at 3 PM and a convoy of vans chased the pedestrians to the sidewalks.   The farmer's market was so fun, I almost forgot the original mission:  see Lauren's new apartment.

We stuttered along on bike and feet passing ice cream shops, sushi joints, and pubs with microbrew. Lauren was irritated by our touristy over appreciation of her neighborhood and wanted us to hurry. I saw a big shiny apartment building.

"You can live there after you get a raise, Lauren!"
"Absolutely not."  She dismissed my silly idea. "I saw a bumper sticker that said Ballard welcomes the Condo Overlords. " She went on to explain that established Ballardites like herself (she hasn't moved in yet but she will on Saturday), don't want new people flooding in. 

We all poured into the library near her home. In spite of the soaring wood and metal construction, it was welcoming and filled to capacity. Summer plunked down in seats strictly reserved for teens and smiled smugly at her old sister and parents who had to stand.  Next we passed a community garden with a handwritten sign on a checkered background.  Neighborhood barbeque, EVERY Wednesday, 6:30 to dark, Everyone welcome. 
"Will you go?"  I asked Lauren.
"No." I could have predicted her answer. She's concise. She likes to write about people  but would rather not mingle with the general public.

I got way ahead of Summer while on the Burke Gilman trail headed back to the bus. But  a phone call from Emily stopped me. "Please come!  she said.  I cleaned up and the tea kettle is waiting for you."  Summer grunted her consent. We arrived at Emily and Lauren's apartment to find a vacuum cleaner exhausted after an unsuccessful attempt to clean up after Emmy's precious little dogs. But Emily's cheer and hot tea made it all worthwhile.  Lauren even came out of her bedroom retreat to join the party. Both girls would move out in six days and I savored one last time under their joint hospitality.

Summer can't wait to return to college in a few days. I loved having her home. She's the one member of my family that shares my love for bike trails. When she's 2,850 miles away, she'll have loving thoughts about me too. Summer and Eric's TV shows are nearly over now, so I'm going to sign off and act normal.

Sisters at Baker Lake

"It makes me so sad to see you like this, Gwennie!" Tragedy was written all over my sister Solange's face. I admit, I sobbed for a few hours when it first happened but I know a few people who would trade conditions with me in a second.   Solange was just as upset over  her daughter's curly hair and her son's awkward gait.  Thanks to her influence, we both used to feel sorry for toys we neglected.

"There is a bright side," I countered as I limped to  a lounge chair in my garage and sat heavily with my bum leg stretched out. I dropped my crutch and  smiled at the huge pile of sleeping bags, camp kitchen supplies, tents, loose flashlights, and overstuffed canvas bags in front of me. 

 "I really love your house, Gwen. Wouldn't it be a lot easier if we had the kids sleep in tents in the back yard?  Then we'd still have coffee, we can go running and biking..." Her voice trailed off ...

About 10 minutes later, Solange, Eric, and Summer had loaded everything into the van, the Subaru and the clamshell above the van.  It looked like a miracle to a person who could barely shower or put a bowl in the dishwasher.

"Can I do anything do help, Gwen?" My sunny sister, Judy, had just gotten in from 2 red eye flights with her  8 and 9 year old kids.  It wasn't til she returned with my coffee mug cleaned and filled with water that I remembered that she was hungry and was facing a chaotic garage rather than the homemade lunch she was promised.   Thank goodness, my daughter Emily who refused in no uncertain terms to come camping, brought Vietnamese sandwiches for everyone. Judy actually finished her food for the first time in her life.

It required the full 2 1/2 hour drive to Baker Lake to sever me and my sisters from our phones. My extended absence greeting probably infuriated everyone in my car as well as the poor patients destined to hear it later.  Solange had to log in to find out where her husband biked that day and how his speed compared with their mountain biking teammates.    When Judy signed off, the huge network of people that collaborate with her to employ the disabled temporarily lost their guiding light.

Finally freed from the car, we wandered around Panorama Point Campground. The forest floor was covered with soft mounds of earth pushed up by tree roots.  Soft gray daylight brightened as soon as you stepped from the woods to the beach. The  greenish blue lake water  stroked the pebbles like a whispered version of the ocean's surf.  Rocky peaks with bright white snow filling all but their craggiest edges looked the same size as the wooded hills in front of them. Clouds moved  among these giants as if misty dreams can stand up to  concrete.

Solange would have gladly put up both tents by herself leaving lazy kids and sluggish sisters behind but after struggling to insert the poles into the corner loops, she accepted help from me and Judy. 

"Even mosquitos like younger women better. I don't get it- I dye my hair and everything." Solange complained when we were finally relaxing around the fire. Solange felt older than her daughters but she couldn't stand "old people," who complained about fast bikers. I had been lulled into thinking I'm near retirement myself thanks to all of my retired music and pickleball friends.  And now, I had a handicapped tag. Solange was only 14 months younger than me.  "Women are so useless, " Solange also informed us.  "They get boob jobs, go shopping and complain about their husband's mountain biking. But horrible as some marriages may be, divorce is worse....Every single mass murderer comes from  divorced parents."

"Best camping trip ever!!" interrupted Zachary, Judy's 9 year old son. His  cousin helped him hold his marshmallow just outside the flames.

Judy looked at her sweet little boy laughing.  "I love my divorce, thank you very much."

Raindrops fell on my face, gently waking me from  a deep sleep. I did not want to leave my  hammock cocoon.  It wasn't until I felt the wetness seeping into my backside that I finally rolled out and joined Solange in her pup tent. "Poor Gwen! Get in here!" She said before falling back asleep.  I was the first to wake up the next morning. I dunked my hair in the lake, soaked my good foot, and rinsed my face. I had swum in the lake before and I would do it again. I wish my patients would recover too. David with stage 4 lymphoma. Annette recovering from a self inflicted gunshot wound to face criminal charges.  And 4 year old  Arnav  who fell out his second story window to land in the ICU.  The clouds obscured all the large mountains but I felt them all around me.