Make sure your Christmas bonus is bigger than your bail

When my swim coach told me that Julia played cello, I thought it was too good to be true.  I dreamed of finding chamber musicians to play with.  There couldn't be one sharing my swim lane!  "Do you know the Brahms cello sonatas?" I asked her while we were getting dressed. The beautiful melody that opens Brahms'  E minor cello sonata magically flowed right out of her mouth.  "Come to my house tomorrow night after work,"  I told her.  Lucky for me, she agreed. 

Today, I swam in the 5 AM class instead of our usual 6 AM. When Julia asked why, I admitted that I had insomnia due to a worry about my middle daughter.  "Oh, I see," she answered.  "Last time you were super worried, it turned out to be a problem fit for a radio segment."

Sure, she had a point. While Julia was enjoying dinner with me and Eric, we became increasingly worried about Summer's absence. Sadly, I really worry with passion.  Turns out, Summer was attending a diner for students accepted at Princeton and her cell phone was off.  OK, so that wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been but this...

When my sister was in a relationship with Greg and I suggested she date other guys just to make sure he was the right one, she showed anger- the only anger I've ever witnessed from her. "I will never talk to you about my social life again!"  From that I've learned, any influence from family must be given early.

Emily chose the first apartment she saw both  before college and after college.  She did the same with her job.  "Shouldn't you fill out some other applications just in case this job doesn't work out?"  She did not.  She went through the 6 month application process to become a 911 dispatcher and with her brains, hard work, typing skills and excellent memory, she got the job.   All of that worked out wonderfully and she continues to thrive in this very important work.  However,  I am unable to embrace this selection process for guys.

"Have you ever been married?" I asked Julia in the hot tub last week.  I knew she had an MD, a PhD, she had lived in the deep south,  she has a family heirloom grand piano, a formidable music collection, and a sister anyone would admire but  I had never asked her this.

Call me manipulative. Tell me I'm the mother my daughter will never recover from.  But I can't help it. I spelled out my wishes, threatening to curtail my 4 day a week dog watching services if they're not met.  ( I love watching Fancy and Tobe too- Havanese/Daschund and Schitzu- best dogs since my old standard poodle).   Join 1-2 orchestras, even though you'll miss some practices/concerts due to work.  Take your last 5 credits of college in person (with on-line option for days you'll miss). Go out to dinner with 10 guys before you go steady with anyone. Let us know if you'd like a gym membership for Chanukah.

I told her she thinks it's normal and even annoying that guys are always falling all over her.  If she is true to herself, this "problem" will last her entire life.  (She knows that her grandmother Iris has guys falling all over her.) However, the quality of the guys will change with time.

Julia's never been married.  I asked her why.  "The guys I dated didn't like music.  They didn't respect my Catholicism."  She was true to herself.   When I leave the locker room, Julia offers advice like "Make sure your Christmas bonus is bigger than your bail."   Today her advice was re-read David Copperfield and keep a journal.

I don't know if Julia is happy with all her past choices but as her friend, I'm happy she is exactly who she is today.